2013 is history

Considering the massive interval since my last post, procrastination and ill-discipline had the best of me. But that is HISTORY! (I proclaim this with a familiar and well-intentioned determination)

So instead of an empty proclamation, let me back this up with a much needed penning down of reflections for the year that has come and gone. What better way to start the year! Well, the 9th day of the new year at least. 

Work

Completed the seventh year with my firm. I've seen many colleagues and friends come and go during my tenure. Are they better off? Am I left behind? Am I too comfortable where I am? I already consider myself an anomalous Gen Y-er for staying with one employer for more than 2 years, let alone 7. My bosses have been good to me throughout the years and I actually find myself gaining a second wind every time new colleagues join the firm. I guess I find it energising to see how the next wave of young people join the workforce and stumble through the professional and social hurdles I did just a few years ago. It's entertaining, endearing but most of all we become good friends through the crucible known as the job. Year after year, I keep coming back to the same conclusion that I stay because of the people. I guess I like people more than I like to admit. So much for my bad-ass lone wolf act.

Community Volunteerism

I'm glad I was able to commit a good amount of time for such endeavours this year. It is always a humbling privilege to be part of the government think-tank group that looks at national community and social issues. Through visiting various locations and focusing on a number of issues this year, I take away 2 key convictions:

1. There is still a lot of work to be done: I am grateful, almost on a daily basis, that I stay in such a pristine, peaceful and secure nation. Just listening to 5 minutes of BBC/CNN, I am quickly reminded that Singapore is a tiny oasis of calm in a world that is in violent and escalating turmoil. That being said, there is still a vast amount of unseen suffering going on within our own borders. I'm loving how social media is raising awareness for such issues and is a great platform kick starting a lot of good initiatives. Positive momentum has begun, but the road is still long and we have our work cut out for us. 

2. Tomorrow's leaders need to start today: I'm seeing a worrisome leadership gap, especially in relation to the volume of work and complexity that I mentioned in my previous point. I've attended numerous talks in recent months where political and industry captains who had built Singapore from scratch share their experiences and advice in public forums and platforms. I always listened in awe, but the one common thing I noticed is that most of these individuals are far along in their journeys and are settling into much deserved rest. I'm not seeing impassioned successors, ready to take the heavy helm upon their strong shoulders. I don't need to criticise my peers and the Millennials because the vast deluge of selfies and youtube lunacy is testament enough. All I can do is choose to be different and band together with others who have chosen likewise.

Philippines - Medical Relief Mission (Dec '13)

Undoubtedly the highlight of the year. Not that a natural disaster is something to highlight, but it was the most impactful and meaningful part of my year by far. The team I went with obviously had a positive impact, providing emotional and medical support through our presence and service. But the take away that spills over into 2014 is the internal re-alignment of priorities, or rather my re-alignment to humanity. I am once again reminded that our media-fueled obsession with luxury, materialism and personal prestige is just a cloud of vapour with no substance or value. What truly connects us and is of enduring value is Friendship, Love, Hope and Faith. I could not have hoped for a better end to 2013 than being brought back to truth.

Conclusion: Advice (not resolutions) to myself for 2014

• Don't be busy. Do what matters to me and those I love
• True joy comes from being with others - listen, connect deeply and laugh alot
• My community is my future - I have to do something today, to make tomorrow better 
• Commit to 1 overseas mission a year
• The family get-away trip rocked. Do it again this year and every year
• Let this picture be the vision and constant reminder for 2014: Use my strength, presence and whatever resource I have to lift those around me. Bring joy, create great memories and lead through service

 

CHC...What if..?

My facebook status update on Wed 2nd June:

The pointless, tasteless and baseless comments on the CHC investigation is mind-numbing. Why don't we let the various agencies do their job and then comment when the results are out? That's the only sensible thing to do as concerned citizens and reasonable people.

But over a few more days of media bytes here and there, I wondered slightly further...As a concerned citizen and a somewhat reasonable man, what would I say or feel when the investigation results come out?

Scenario 1: Pst Kong Hee and all concerned parties are innocent and there are no findings.

My response: Glad that it's over and once again, so much hype and controversy have turned up with nothing. Let's party. (Not much to write for Scenario 1. -Boring. Scenario 2 is a whole different ball game)

Scenario 2: Pst Kong Hee and concerned parties are found to have committed wrong doing. (Let's say to a pretty serious degree, to make this a more visceral and honest late night soul search)

My response:

1. Stop giving my donations to the church?

2. Stop attending the weekly services and church events?

Yes, that would be a real gut reaction, not just for myself, but for many I'm sure. But the more I really push it, the more I know I would do no such thing.

Let me address each action.

1. I would not stop giving, because I see with my own eyes where my money goes to. I see the orphanages and widow homes that my money has built. I see the poor and elderly in my nation, beaming because my salary helped to provide them with another meal, to live another day.

It's the same with NKF. That case was huge and colorful. If I recall, donations dropped substantially. Mine did not and will not. I have friends who suffer from kidney problems and continually go in for dialysis. Durai was brash and unrepentant on so many counts. But the truth of the matter is, as much as I'd rather not sit down to have dinner with him, my money still supports the good and necessary work that NKF continues to this day, for my fellow man in need. For this cause, my giving and support will not cease.

So without much struggle, I know my giving and financial support of CHC and all her good works will not waiver.

2. I will continue to goto church. Pst Kong never claimed he was perfect. He fights and strives to be and teaches and helps us all to do the same -To fight the same fight that he faces each day, of being the best people we can be.

What this means is that even if we are faced with stark human failure, we must still remember what is right and continue in it. Grit our teeth against every natural reaction and press on. This is why I will continue to support CHC and NKF, no matter what I feel.

By this I know that Pst Kong has built an amazing church, where individuals will continue to press on, with or without him.

So I promise, no matter what the outcome, nothing changes for me. Thank you Pst Kong, for building that into my life. This is why I love you and the church.

We are united. We are steadfast.

Ideals and Idiots

Thanks Wen for reminding me that I was this close to breaking my new year resolution of blogging at least once a month. You're a life saver :)

So what of Ideals and Idiots?

A really interesting lady I met recently said something that I just loved:

"Seems uncool to be idealistic anymore. But I can't keep up with the fads, so I'm sticking to the ideals"

It's so unbelievably true, especially here in Singapore on a number of fronts. I could go on and on about the various ways this statement rings true. But as it is late, let me just hit on one that really gets in my face on a pretty recurrent basis.

I'm not sure if anyone else has experienced this, but in my office, some elder admin ladies always gather to have lunch. They bring their home cooked tupperwares of various cuisines and have their daily mid-day chats. Mind you that my office pantry is pretty small, so everything me and the rest of the office overhear is simply because proximity.

I wish I could say that they have typical office banter and married-lady type of gossip, but honestly, I cannot brand it any other way. I say it's downright poison the stuff they say. Sure they talk about healthy food and their families, but one topic that always seems to dominate their lunches is how there is no such thing as romance or happily married couples. Every male on earth is unfaithful to his wife, or is just about to commit adultery if he hasn't yet. So they go on and on about how this guy cheated and how that guy was unfaithful. From there, they go on about how ladies need to do this and that to keep their man. It's completely toxic and is communicating seriously wrong messages to the next generation of ladies. Sounds exaggerated right? But I mean it.

The day all their evil banter truly reared it's head was when I was having lunch in the pantry with a female colleague of mine. Just a normal quick bite before getting back to the grind. Just another session of involuntary eavesdropping as well, since the admin aunties were only a few feet away. My annoyance at the rubbish they spew has obviously grown a little numb over the years, but not for my colleague. After our lunch, we chucked our trash and went back to our desks, which was when I noticed her tearing. Her tears turned into something more emotional and I went over to her. She was really crying because she's been with her boyfriend of quite a few years and obviously marriage is not too far off on the horizon. But hearing the trash they spew, it really gets to her. It truly shakes the very core of all the pictures of security and happiness that she would love to have with her man. I know the guy. He's awesome. Works hard, sociable and in my opinion an all-round good guy. I've seen them together, they are a beautifully imperfect couple. I find it hard to imagine either of them being unfaithful. That says a lot considering how cynical I can be.

Granted, lots of guys do cheat on their ladies. Heck, I know lots of ladies who cheat on their men. There are people who do wrong things all over the place. But I for one feel that the bitterness and bad experiences of the previous generation should not be passed down. Cultural norms and societal circumstance have changed. Yes, they haven't changed enough as of yet, but things are on the upswing.

Are there truly no good guys out there? Is faithfulness so difficult that men and women must turn to evil mind games and antics just to maintain the facade of a stable, picture-perfect family?

I don't think so.

I do believe in trust. I do believe in life-long romance. A lot of us may not have found it yet, but it's out there. Good guys and good gals are not as rare as we think. Just be patient and keep hearts and eyes open. I'm still searching, but the more patience I exercise, the more this is proving itself to be true.

Seems naive and idiotic to believe in ideals. But I choose that kind of life that hopes and believes. I choose that life over one filled with twisted manipulation and festering insecurity. It takes faith and can be scary, but I can't imagine living any other way.

Naivety is idiotic. The faith and courage of heart to pursue ideals is not.

Casinos and Yoga?

Soo what's the deal between casinos and yoga?

Not much, just something interesting I came across today.

I tried yoga for the first time in my life yesterday. Not just yoga, it was HOT YOGA. Don't ask me why I felt courageous enough to make that leap instead of baby steps. For those who aren't familiar, hot yoga is when you do all those stretches and stances in an enclosed room with hot air being blasted throughout. Essentially, hot yoga is doing very very slow-motion aerobics, in a sauna. Got the picture? It aint pretty.

Overall, it wasn't as bad as I imagined. I was expecting it to be like the army, with everyone lined up, while the intructor tells you to "hold it there" while you are straining and sweating from every pore of your body. All expectations were met.

So what motivated me to even do this in the first place? Firstly, the complete saturation of yoga adds and billboards all over the Raffles Place vacinity doesn't leave me much choice to not think about yoga. Secondly and more importantly, my best buddy needed me. His fiance who is a daily yoga fanatic has lovingly convinced him to follow her to her yoga sessions. He ain't the new age yoga kind of guy, so after a few sessions, it seemed that he could use his buddy by his side. So there I was in the sweaty trenches, roughing it out with my bro.

On that note, the day after my yoga session, I have some pretty serious soreness in my neck and back. Obviously this came from being a yoga newbie, but I have concluded that that is not the sole cause of my pain. I believe the pain came from me holding various poses with my head and neck twisted in the wrong directions. Let me explain.

I told my buddy to set up his mat in front of me, so I could look at him and copy his movements whenever there was a change in position, since I have no idea what the instructor is saying. After a while, I felt a little strange, always watching and staring at my buddies ass (which was very close to my face). So, me being the smarty that I am, I decided to not look at him and instead copy the lovely ladies to my left, right, back, half-right, half-left, north east, north west (you get the idea...everywhere). So there I am, doing poses and instead of maintaining the right posture with my head facing forward, my eyes (wanting to avoid male buttocks) guides my head everywhere else, to catch the next move.

So tip to self - Brian, IF you ever decide to do yoga again, set yourself up behind a lovely young lady. You do this, so that you will be able to maintain good posture and have no soreness. That...is....all.

Alright, moving on. So why the mention of casinos? So today, with the various pains in my body, I decided to go for a massage to rub out all the knots and soreness in my body. Chit chatting with the therapist, she exclaims that since CNY, or more pointedly, since the opening of the casino, she has been having a flood of customers coming to see her. What in the world does the casino opening have to do with a massage you ask? I asked her the same thing.

Turns out, people have been flooding to her because they have been at the casino for extended periods of time, not sleeping and not eating for days on end. People have been physically abusing themselves at the casinos and hence require some recovery for their battered bodies. I found this hillarious! Who would've thought that the casinos would cause a spike for businesses like spas!

I would love to go on here about what else I found out through this chit chat with my therapist about the impact the casino has had, but it's late, so maybe another entry some other night. But as a form of a teaser to my next entry, let's just say that the majority of people seeking spa therapies from their grueling bouts of gambling are ladies. That's right, mostly ladies. Does that mean that ladies in Singapore gamble more than men? Or are all these tai tai's who have grown bored with shopping at the Paragon, so they have now decided to gamble their husband's money away instead? All this, in my next entry. (If nothing more interesting crops up in my life)

So as a quick closing note, some good pointers for all of us.

1. Yoga is good for you. Go for it
2. Set up your yoga mat behind a hot chica. (Good for your posture)
3. Listen to your massage therapist - you just might learn something
4. Do warm up exercises and periodic stretching while you gamble your hubby's cash away

As I learned in yoga class - "Hands on knees, bow, thank you and good night"

Valentines musings

First day of CNY (and Valentine's Day as well). My parents came down from Hong Kong to have the reunion dinner and of course, to make the rounds of visiting family and friends. So that has definitely been nice, having family time, travelling about, stuffing our faces with all the evil goodies at every stop. Lots of good laughs and catching up, but got to thinking quite a bit about some of the interactions I saw.

I reckon most of us are familiar with the whole "When are you getting married? Why no boyfriend yet?" blah blah, etc. All well-intentioned, but understandably annoying probing that single folk go through during these rounds of visitation. What really stood out during one of the stops today was when some related aunty of mine, probably in her 40's was asked if she had a husband or kids. The look on her face, when she shook her head, cast her eyes to the floor and sheepishly replied "mei you"(don't have), struck a chord in me. I really felt sad for her. Then I thought about why.

Was I sad because I felt she was lonely or unhappy with her state of singleness? Nope. The more I thought about it, the more I came to realise, that actually I felt bad for her because I understood how "socially unacceptable" she felt. Phrased like that, I hope it puts some perspective on how sad the situation is in general.

What is worse? - To mary somone you're not that into or not that compatible with, or to stay single, because you haven't found a decent match for the rest of your LIFE journey.

When I play out both scenarios, I can very quickly say that an individual is better off exercising patience, instead of legally committing oneself to a lifetime of social, physical and emotional turmoil on a daily basis. With such a clear call, why do we still perpetuate the social stigma and unacceptable-ness of being single after the age of say 25? Obviously this applies substantially more for ladies in society.

In my opinion, it really bites for ladies or gents that fall into this category. I say this because if they are single and passed a certain age, that's not so good, socially speaking. So to "fix" this, this group of singles need to find someone, a good match. So as part of their efforts to focus their energies towards this fix, they turn to all avenues to find a good match. This may include online/speed dating/agencies. The problem is, THIS IS ALSO not so good, for a pretty large majority in our social context. If an individual engages or gets involved with such means, they are viewed as desperate, needy or are seen as taking part in risky behaviour.

So it's not cool to be single AND it's not cool to take an active approach to dating. What are these people supposed to do then?! A viscious social cycle, that I reckon keeps a lot of people in a really bad place.

On this train of thought, I can only conclude with the following:

1. It's GOOD to be single, if you are exercising patience, looking for a good life partner. We should encourage and enforce this as the right thing to do. THIS should be the norm. Not the current shame and guilt trip that loads of individuals live with everyday.
2. Another cultural shift - applaud individuals who actively take their pursuit of marriage into their own hands. They are actively pursuing their own happiness in life. Why knock them for it? They are brave for doing it, in the midst of the silly social stigmas that surround such dating activities.
3. Take my own advice. Exercise patience - don't settle. No one should settle, especially when the rest of your life is at stake.

Side note - I am taking my own advice. I spent my Valentines Day home alone, watching tv in the dark in my living room. Had a good time, watching some great tv. Patience, self-restraint and clarity of thought. All facilitated through the act of blogging as a close to my Vday and the start of the chinese new year.

A Vday night well spent Brian.

Happy Lunar New Year to all.

Happy Valentines Day to all of those that hav found a good match. You have found something awesome. To the rest of you that KNOW you are settling or are acting out of undue social pressure, let it go. You have a wonderful life at stake :)

Month 1 - Take stock

That was fast. I can't believe it is already the end of the first month of the new year. That was seriously a blink of an eye. When time moves that fast, it's usually because you're too busy to notice, so I should take some joy in knowing that I've been busy, and hopefully - Productive.

I could say that I have been on most fronts.

Work - Helped to bash out a monster-thick book with a great team of colleagues. That was painful, but fun.

New Year resolutions - I reckon I'm still on track (this blog entry is part of that) The other resolutions are still in motion, so that's good. Motion, that is critical Brian. Keep that in mind you lazy bugger. Keep the gears churning.

Filming - Me oh my, this is what I definitely want to note down. After 2 and a half months of high tempo filming, I am stretched and tired. It's been a great experience thus far, stretching in terms of juggling work, rest, activities in church and a social life, but it's been priceless. Really really glad to finally have a chance to chill some on location with some of the guys on the show. Guys are usually the competitive type, but I love how the fellas on this show really aren't catty and backstabbing just to nose ahead. It looks like everyone is pretty grounded and mature in that we're all just doing our best, for ourselves, just to see what we are capable of. It's gloriously colorful to see how we excel in our strengths and really hit our faces to the floor laughing when we hit our snags. As long as we keep the laughs going, it's going to be a good show. I am seriously dreading the impending elimination round. Not the thought of not making the cut, but of the reality that some of our journeys on the show are about to end.

Had a great conversation with one of the guys on the way home after the shoot. He shared how his previous relationship ended because his ex couldn't take him being involved in things like pageants, tv ads, programmes, etc. All this "glamour"and such caused a lot of friction between them to the point where it just wasn't working. Hearing that reminded me that I think a lot of people out there have a seriously exaggerated view of what the 'limelight' really entails. Not that I'm in it or experiencing it, but I've obviously been watching the lives of the A-list artists that are on the show. It's really tough work. Just because people get dolled up with the hair and wardrobe and look dang good on screen, doesn't mean it's glamourous or easy at all. A lot of work and sacrifice goes into looking good in the clothes you're dictated to wear. A lot of work goes into remembering lines and keeping your energy levels high enough for entertainment value. I'm more than convinced that the artists I've been exposed to really work for their keep, just like anyone else that is NOT in the limelight. If anything, the exposure puts greater pressure on those in the limelight than those that can wear slippers in the office, slogging over night, not worrying if their gut is bulging or their nose hairs are trimmed.

Juggling both, a day job in the office and an evening/weekend affair of intensive filming, I'd say that filming is a whole lot more strenuous. So my hats off to the amazing hosts, producers and crew of this show who really don't have it cushy at all. I'm amazed that you put in the hours and still have the energy to take time to laugh and take care of silly contestants like me and the guys. We're slogging it out with you, but we're also grateful. I know I definitely am. I'm glad I've had the opportunity to see the grunt and sweat behind the glitz and glam on the tv screens. Even more grateful to have the continual opportunity to be part of the process as well.

I have to go for my day job once again, so I better knock out. So at the end of Jan 2010, I take stock that my colleagues are still amazing. I'm still on track with my resolutions and I am stretched but grateful for the new bonds of friendship, experience and opportunity on the beloved set of "U're the Man".

Month 2 - I have arrived.

Debut Blog of 2010

Wow.I guess this is it. My first post and the start of me nailing all these resolutions.

Resolutions for 2010:

1. Start a blog (and blog at least once a month)
2. Drastically improve my mandarin
3. Read 1 new book a quarter (More than 50 pages)
4. Hang out more with the coolest colleagues in the world
5. ....Other resolutions are just boring or too private ah tee hee hee...

So why is starting a blog and pushing myself to keep blogging on a relatively consistent basis even a resolution?

First off, looks like it's going to be a pretty interesting year. In 5 days time...the first episode of a spanking new chinese reality show U're The Man 花样型男 will be airing. Of all things and of all people, I managed to wind up being one of the10 contestants. YES! Brian is on a chinese programme. What the? What the? ....WHAT THE?!

Typing it out and reading that line still tickles me. "Brian is on a chinese programme". My high school chinese teacher (who is a british white guy by the way) would be laughing and exclaiming his disbelief in Queens english.

Time for a shameless plug - So catch the show on Channel U, 8pm every tuesday.

Plug over -

O wait...for the highly curious (or bored), Channel U has set up a facebook fan page for the show where you can check out seriously unflattering photos of me and the other 9 stand-up guys that I'm on the show with:

http://www.facebook.com/brianzhliu?ref=profile#/pages/Ure-The-Man-hua-yang-xing-nan/238096456428?ref=mf

Go become a fan. Of the show! Or me? :)

So yes, where was I? Ah yes, why the conviction to blog as a new year resolution.

I'm so ridiculously busy with my day job from mon-fri. And now I have filming throughout the weekends. This leaves me with a 7 day work week and a sliver of time for a social life. So I must blog so that people know I'm still alive and have not become the depressed recluse that I have such strong inclinations towards. I'm not ignoring YOU. It's not always about you. I'm just swamped. My blog is my proof of life - for the worriers and friends that are sweet enough to miss me :) Don't worry - I'm a big boy now. Kinda.

Lastly, blogging is good for me. It keeps me reflective. It keeps me thinking through my thoughts, feelings and experiences - which ultimately keeps me grateful for the opportunities and life that I am privileged to lead.

O yeh! A real practical benefit of blogging. Since it's public writing, I'm forced to grow up and develop this thing within me called tact. I guess I still stubbornly hold onto the ideal of straight talking, unprentious living. Getting out what's on my mind, many a times rashly disregarding the consequences of such actions. People use blogs to rant and vent. Knowing me, I'll likely be doing the same on many occasions, but through blogging, I hope to do it with more of this strange thing you call "tact" and diplomacy. Here's to the hopes of a more eloquent, articulate and politically correct me in 2010 and beyond.

"Mood swings and radiance" - The title of my blog. Pretty much sums me up, as much as I know me. Lots of cynical, melancholic stretches, but peppered through these times are flashes of joy, self-discovery, connection and pure exhilaration. - Epiphanies that can only be described as pure radiance.

2010 - I'm onto you.... you will not slip me by, you raging bull you.

So here's to a disciplined and better me in 2010. If no blogs from me in 30 days. Call my cellphone, scream at me, so I can blog about that phone call.